Check it you. Might be something you want to pursue:  Certified Asshole

Naturally, 12-pack would translate you being grounded for oh lets see, ummmm 3 months!

So what do you do? Well you rummage through your sisters closet only to find her “To Do” list. No ordinary to do list. This is her list of boys she would like to do.

SO the brother not only uploads this list on the internet, but has a public feud with his sister on Facebook.

Its fucking hilarious!

Read it here… (do read the comments please posted)

The bashing that went on Facebook can be read here.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/design_hell

FIA directed to probe piracy of imported movies

ISLAMABAD: Interior Minister Rehman Malik on Saturday ordered the Federal Investigation Agency (FIA) to probe into the piracy, rental and sale of movies having been imported legally. The directions came on the request of legal movie operators in Pakistan. The Minister for Interior made it clear that anybody who was found dealing in the sale, rental and airing of legally imported movies on cable would be dealt with severely under piracy law. staff report

Source: Daily Times

Now, I’ll address the lack of technical capabilities of FIA in handling something like this later, but first their seems to be  an issue. Does piracy come under the umbrella of FIA or the regulator – which in this case would be PEMRA.  The news article itself was hilarious…

“… anybody who was found dealing in the sale, rental and airing of legally imported movies on cable would be dealt…”

Now, first of all, who the heck actually imports a movie legally. Times have changed. Torrents anyone?

Secondly, who would “rent” a movie to a cable-wala? Duh!

Third, is FIA itself. Here is an organization that is best suited for working on anything BUT cyber crime / digital crime.

Highly inept organization, when it comes to the ‘digital’ world. Having dealt with them on this front, FIA and its Cyber Crime Division called: National Response Center for Cyber Crimes. I mean if you want to tackle the issue of piracy, why not stop the distribution channel, rather than the users?

If you have a drug problem, do you try to make the addicts kick the habit or do you stop the flow of drugs (the source). I would assume major effort would go towards the source problem.

In case of illegal or “legal” movies, the issue is torrents. You cannot stop torrent, and asking FIA to stop it? Bloody joke. They could not even stop their website from being defaced, and you expect these folks to stop torrents. Sure!

Having dealt with FIA (especially the Cyber Crimes Division) in the past, its a farce believe me. They are amateurs, armed with theoretical knowledge, have no proper investigative skills, most of them have never even been trained in forensic sciences (for the digital world), totally wet behind the ears and above all, you should see them all working together – its down right hilarious.

To tackle the issue of piracy – with respect to say torrents, you will have very limited success. To handle it via-a-vis cable operators to stop airing – how many cable operators will you stop? How many will actually get reported, etc. How many will actually comply?

Case in point, you don’t fight the bear – you learn to dance with it.

Pathan: “Psycho The Rapist”

Librarian: Wait one moment, while I go and search this title. (and walks away)

Librarian comes back and slaps the Pathan – “Psychotherapist” hai salay!

Muwahahahaha

The Supreme Court of Pakistan released the NRO (National Reconciliation Ordinance) 2007 Detailed Judgement in which it struck down the controversial NRO law.

The complete judgement can be downloaded from here (NRO Detailed Judgement)  [6.2MB - PDF File]

Warning: Ranting here. If you do not have an open mind or if your comments are out of the ordinary bordering on insult, I shall simply ignore them.

Islamic Graffiti: It’s in the elevator in my building. Even outside it. It’s in the parking garage, the empty walls, the “For Hire’ notices on the notice board, on walls, doors, alley, walkways, on billboard poles, on the new bus stops in Karachi, on the back of cars, vans, trucks, school-bags, even on the fold-out meal table on Air Blue, on new under construction houses, multi-story buildings, the TCS truck, the Shell Oil Tanker, its outside the wall of many schools, and sometimes even on the school gate itself, on police pickets.

There is no escape from it – Islamic graffiti is everywhere. It is deemed a ‘sin’ (a kafir act) to erase it or take it down.

Islamic Spamming: It’s on message boards, the email, the “SubhanAllah” “MashaAllah” “InshaAllah” emails, the tree that resembles like a praying man, the boycott Danes, boycott Unilever, don’t eat McDonalds because its ‘haram’, the Dua emails, the Islamic classes email, the Islamic redemption emails, the Islamic stories in email, the Give Sadqa email, the Give Zakat emails, the 10 wonderful things about our beautiful Prophet (PBUH), the meanings of the 99 names of Allah, the debates on YouTube on how Dr. Zakir owned some Jewish priest on Peace TV, the ‘girl’ cover your head (hijab), else you will be a lollipop enticing flies (men). There is no end to it. It in your face and with no effort required in electron duplication, its being spread by the millions on emails, message boards, mailing lists, spams, forums, blog comments, videos, podcasts, etc.

And last, but not the least, Islamic  Colloquialisms – there is not a single hour – let alone an hour – half an hour that does not go by where “InshahAllah”  “SubhanAllah” “MashahAllah” et. al. are not inserted in mid-sentences, end-of-sentences, beginning of sentences.

I for one, have nothing against Islam. I am a proud Muslim. Equally, I respect other religions as well. I think of the minorities in Pakistan – how they face each and every day. A certain colleague is Hindu – I bet if he ever said “Bhagwan ka shukar hai” or scribbled a picture of a Hindu deity on the wall, or if even daring inside of an elevator next to the Islamic graffiti what sort of a reaction that would play. Not a very positive one I can tell you.

I converse with colleagues in Muslim countries and equally with colleagues who are Muslim in Non-Muslim countries, but I do not encounter it “as much” as I do so in Pakistan. Why is that? Can you imagine our Missionary teachers telling us “By the Grace of Jesus Christ our Lord’s savior – your Child is excelling in school” – I am sure that would have knee-jerk reaction of a lot of people fainting in disbelief.

Need I remind our citizens of the “White” in our Flag that is equally prominent. The White represents the Minorities in Pakistan.  Do we do justice to them by so much in your face Islam? Sure  – proponents argue you can tend to look the other way, or have I forgotten that the country is an “Islamic Republic of Pakistan”. No I have (sadly) not forgotten that.

I have never witnessed so much religious advertising in my life in – for any faith, as much as there is in Pakistan for Islam. The few non-Muslim countries I have travelled to, have such a moderate approach towards religion (all religions), and the few Muslim countries I have visited have not only a moderate, but also a tolerant and ‘balanced’ approach towards religion.

Why must we exemplify ourselves as more holier than thou? Can others not see that this is our downfall in an economically driven world? With religion division causing even more hatred and violence. Interpretations (each by its own faction, sect, head) are further fueling the situation and people are so oblivious to what is right or wrong. They unilaterally absorb anything that is fed to them under the tag of religion? Are we so obtuse in our thinking and vision?

I love my religion. But I am sure, a Christian loves his too. A Zoroastrian loves his and a Hindu loves his equally – and they all consider themselves Pakistanis equally. So I thought. Ask around with your close friends / colleagues / family who belong to the minority, and they will tell you how ‘threatened’ they feel about Islamization that is happening in Pakistan and the pace of its propagation onto everything they see, touch, hear, smell and taste. Do we honestly want to have a Pakistan of “Muslims” only and everyone else get the fuck out? I for one – think not. So then why this Islam mashing in your face daily!

Why can we as professionals not have a conversation without bringing religion into it? I do not see the ERP or Core Banking Software saying “SubhanAllah” when a check is cashed or when an inventory sale happens? So then why must we have bank tellers, account managers indoctrinated into this Islamization lingo?

We abhor Jews – yet use their technology (stop using the Intel processor if you hate the Jews and amongst many other millions of things). We chant Anti-West slogans and chest thumping in synchronous beats on Anti-American agendas – yet we continue to love and use their methods, inventions and products.

Why cannot we let religion be the personal entity it is and not brazenly advertise it to everyone else. Why must we try to convert everyone who is not a Muslim and if a Muslim tries to convert into any other religion – we want to kill him. Why must we declare Jihad on the Americans and West and not declare Jihad on poverty, education, child labour, women’s rights, farming, skills alleviation, etc.

Why do we burn tires and break windows and chant slogans of death on the top of our lungs when some with a pen writes something to piss us off, and yet on the other hand when a woman gets gang-raped – it is just another news item. Wouldn’t you be enraged if that were your wife / mother / sister / daughter?

Why must we stay silent when people are murdered by our very own – in our acts of enragement? Why must we decide to ‘burn’ someone for what their views are on religion? Imagine if the West had a fatwa (equivalent) or law that would demand mobs to ‘burn’ a person who converts from Christianity to Islam – how would you feel?

Why don’t the Islamists of our country wage the Holiest of Holy Wars against beggary and the vicious monsters who butcher children and disfigure them permanently to induce them into the beggary trade?

Why cannot we collectively just like we do on a Juma prayer – decide for once to clean the very areas we work and live in?

I don’t have answers for these questions – but I tell you a few things in closing why it does not happen.

Because …

• Religion in Pakistan is a Business
• Religion in Pakistan is about Control
• Religion in Pakistan is about Votes
• Religion in Pakistan is about Money
• Religion in Pakistan is about Power

Clean Streets, Educated Minds, Religious Tolerance and Harmony, Strict Laws and Follow through against Rape, Child Labor, Beggary, defy all the five points above.

I hope somewhere – somehow – we will stop having double-standards when it comes to religion. Stop being judgmental, stop being myopic, stop being obtuse, be more harmonious, be more tolerant, be more open-minded, be more forgiving and be less selfish. “InshahAllah” (“Ameen”) .

Well fear no more! The Happiness Hat is here.

happiness hat from Lauren McCarthy on Vimeo.

We send invoices. Lots of them.

We use a local courier firm to have them delivered all across the country. The invoices themselves reside in digital format, and we use a software to print them out to paper, stuff them into letters. Have the courier company come in the evening and pick them up and give us a receipt for it.

Presumably the courier company will take them to the collection center in Karachi, where these invoices will be sorted out, bagged with other letters / parcels and each bag will find its way on the conveyor belt destined for the cargo hold of the evening flight.

After a few hours (assuming no delays, etc), the flight would land at its destination, the bag collected, and de-sorted. Next morning, courier riders would collect their deliveries and hopefully if all goes well, my invoice is delivered to the customer by mid-day.

Now I could have saved myself the trouble of sending this invoice physically in the first place – by simply emailing it. However, customers who have to pay bills are very clever. They will cite mysterious reasons, email not received, the spam filter ate it, etc. etc.

They will receive all my other emails, except the one that carries the invoice.

So – novel times – call for a novel approach.

What if I simply were to email (or upload) the PDF file (which represents the invoice) to the Courier company’s server. Let us assume I have to send an invoice to a client in Islamabad. I email the invoice before say 1400 Hours, and the office in Islamabad will print it out. Print the delivery label. Stuff it into an envelope and deliver it the same day! And I get what I want – no – not convenience (that much is given), but what I want is the proof of delivery receipt; so now my customer cannot complain that he/she does not have a copy of the invoice.

If this service were to be launched, I am sure, there exists a great market for it. People may cite ‘confidentiality’. Strictly speaking, for our case, there is nothing confidential in the invoice that the courier company or its employees can ‘steal’. For non-confidential correspondence that needs to be delivered ASAP, I think this represents an excellent medium of choice for those who would like to reduce the carbon footprint of their letter (ideally we should just be emailing, but something don’t change).

Sure there are kinks and ifs and buts in this scenario – but nothing that cannot easily be solved if one were to put their mind to it.

Here is some very interesting (read: shocking) statistic for you: (accurate as of 15th January, 2010).

• Number of Countries in the World: 192 (as per United Nations) [i]
• Number of Countries in the World: 195 (if we include Kosovo, Vatican City, etc.)
• US State Department Recognized Countries: 194
• Number of Countries in which PayPal Operates: 189[ii]
• Number of Countries that do NOT have Paypal: 5 (as per US State Department’s count)
• GDP Ranking (as compiled by IMF) for Pakistan for the year 2008 out of 179 Countries is # 48[iii]
• GDP Ranking (as compiled by World Bank) for Pakistan for the year 2008 out of 182 countries is # 46[iv]
• Internet Users in Pakistan: 18.5 Million (as per December 2009)[v]
• Internet users (as a percentage of the population): 10.6%

As of now, PayPal operates in 189 countries, that is like only six countries where Paypal does NOT operate:

• Cuba
• Pakistan
• Iran
• North Korea, and
• Afghanistan
• Syria

So lets see, Cuba has an embargo on trade with the US – has been for past 40+ years, so that is okay.

Iran, North Korea and Syria are “Axis of Evil” countries. So that’s understandable.

Afghanistan – is where the US is fighting it main battle $200+ Billion lost – okay so that is also understandable,

Pakistan – Ah! Pakistan. US’s Non-Nato Ally. Why the heck is Pakistan left out? I mean for crying out loud, even Somalia and Yemen have access to Paypal? Bloody Yemen! Bloody Somalia! Bloody Rwanda!

You know what? That makes me – Bloody Angry!

Why the discrimination – I have no idea. Reminds me of the song by the Pet Shop Boys, “What Have I Ddone to Deserve This?”

Here are the list of countries where PayPal is operating:

[ii] Source: Paypal (www.paypal.com) and navigate to Sign-up Page (countries list extracted from there).

[iii] Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_GDP_(nominal)

[iv] Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_GDP_(nominal)

[v] Source: http://www.internetworldstats.com/stats3.htm#asia

Last year I was very hopeful that would reply back (despite writing to them twice). This year, I have much more than a simple letter in mind for them. I almost feel like betting here (that they will reply back, else I shall eat my letter). Note, I said, I ‘almost’ felt like betting.

Anyhow, I am compiling and researching and have almost completed it. I should be penning my thoughts and arguments in the coming days and hope to have the letter go out before the end of January 2010.

Stay tuned.